So many of you have written in asking for help with “what to say” to the girl/woman you have a crush on (or just to females you’re interested in) that I decided it’s high time I sat down and addressed this subject more thoroughly. I couldn’t agree more with author and key-note speaker Susan RoAne who says “good things do NOT come to those who wait’they come to those who initiate.”
However, if you want to be a success with the women who catch your eye you must not only be brave enough to go up and initiate a conversation , you must also be skilled at “the art of the conversation” so you can make the best impression and impact as possible.
Don’t worry, I’ll clarify exactly what I mean. Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary gives the definition of conversation as: oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas. Art, on the other hand, is defined as: skill acquired by study. So no, this isn’t a skill you’re born with, and it’s not something you’re suppose to be crack at overnight. To be gifted at the art of conversation you need to study the techniques that make a successful conversationalist. Ready to learn? Here we go!
Rule #1: “Less Is More”
The first time or two that you speak to a woman you’re interested in isn’t the time to try and really engage her interest, it’s the time to “spark” her interest. You want to walk away leaving her literally curious to know more. This is fantastic for you because it means you don’t have to get up the courage to say much the first couple of times. Your goal for the first contact is for it be short, sweet, courteous while introduceing yourself’something like “Hi, my name’s Chad and I just wanted to come over and introduce myself, what’s your name?” It can literally be that simple.
Your goal for the second contact is a bit trickier. You need to work your confidence up more so you can gamely and smoothly pay her a nice compliment without stumbling over your words, and hopefully without turning bright red. You might say something like “Hi Amanda I just wanted to let you know how pretty you look tonight”. Make direct eye contact, give her your most charming smile, and leave her curious & flattered!
Rule #2: “If You Want Someone To Be Interested In You Be Interested In Them”
This is so important. If you take nothing else away from this article please memorize this! Having a conversation with someone isn’t the same as talking “at” someone. We’ve all experienced this it usually happens during the holidays when we’re trapped in the corner of a room by one of our elderly relatives we only see once a year. They’re so delighted to share every detail of their lives with us that they totally forget to ask us one thing about ourselves. Doesn’t it leave you feeling miserable and bored and looking for any excuse to get away? Don’t be a boring old grandpa to some lovely young thing! Don’t go on and on about yourself (which sadly we can tend to do when we’re nervous) ask her how she likes the class, the movie, the book’anything to get her to open up a bit about her.
Rule #3: “Use Open Ended Questions To Get The Conversation Flowing”
Psychologist and broadcaster Ros Taylor suggests “If you are looking for something a little deeper and more involved then you could try out the probing questions. These start with words like “how”, “why” and “in what way”. For example, if you ask a woman whether she liked the lecture is class today she might just say “no”, but if instead, you ask her “what did you think about the lecture in class today?” then unless she’s incredibly rude (in which case you want nothing to do with her anyway) she’s going to give you her honest opinion and then you need to’
Rule #4: “If You Want Someone To Be Interested In You Be A Good Listener”
Listening is almost a lost art these days. I know, It’s hard to stay focused listening to someone when you’ve just thought of a really entertaining comment to make in reply to something she just said, but remember, at this point it’s about getting to know “her”, not about showing off your humor and great personality (that will come next).
In order to sharpen your skills “paying attention” skills listen for key things she’s interested in, passionate about or concerned with so that you can ask her more about them later and show you were “all ears”.
Rule #5: “If You Want Someone To Be Interested In You Be Interesting To Them”
Okay, now it comes down to using your sparkling wit and easy charm. Not sure you have either? Well then, what are you interested in besides this woman? What are your interests, passions and desires (no, the first few conversations is NOT a great time to let her know how much your hormones are raging).
Maybe you don’t know what you’re going to do with your life yet (or for a second career even) but certainly there’s got to be a few subjects you’re interested in that you can interest a woman with. To play it safe, don’t fill her in on your entire gaming history until you know she likes to play as well, ditto your ability to speak elfish ala “Lord Of The Rings” (it works for Orlando Bloom, but hey, so did that blonde wig and that certainly won’t work for most of you), or how many hours you spent waxing your car unless you met at a car show or drag race. Stick with topics that are known to be enjoyable to both sexes. What was the last great movie you saw and why? Read any books that got your mind spinning, see anything on t.v. that got you questioning the universe? Did you hear a good (make it clean in the beginning) joke you can share with her that you know you pull off well?
Rule #6: “Make The Act Of Asking For Her Number Or Email Casual And Easy”
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, and you already know it – desperation isn’t pretty! When asking a woman for her number you want to be as cool as a cucumber. You want to emote the feeling that you like her, you’re interested, but hey there’s lots of other things in life that you like and are interested in as well.
We human beings are vain creatures. We want to be liked by those who are viewed as a “catch”. Now mind you, we also have all kinds of individual taste so these days you don’t have to be the star jock to be popular with the girls. No, you just need to be a man with a plan, a man who has places to go and things to do. If a woman thinks all you do all day is sit around and daydream about her she’s not going to find you very interesting. What will make her think you’re interesting is if she thinks she’s going to have to work a bit to gain more than an hour of your attention at a time.
Got it? Good! Now go get her!
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